Living To Nourish My Soul...

And he was you, and you were there, those languid limbs, laid to bare. And the sun was shining, and the lights were dim, and he was you and you were him. And those tangled locks, that knotted hair, those eyes a beaming, through a saddened stare. And in that moment, you sang that song, of home and heart, and a summer long. And you ran and jumped, and filled with light, and danced upon a starry night. And I saw your smile, your tortured soul, and for a second, I felt whole. For he was you, and you were there, those languid limbs, laid to bare. 

If I left you a daisy trail,
Would you find your way?
Would I see you standing there?
In the break of day?

If I lit the night,
With a flaming trail,
Would I see you standing there,
Would you not derail?

If I called your name,
A whispering sweet,
Would I see you standing there,
Would our eyes meet?

If I left you letters,
If I gave you a sign,
Would I see you standing there?
Would you be forever mine?

A winter’s wake,
The pages are turning,
My mind is free,
The fire’s burning.

And in the silence of day,
Upon snowy tops,
I feel you close,
And my heart stops.

For a second I feel you,
For a second I hear,
Your languid laugh,
I know you’re near.

And I kiss your cheeks,
And grasp your hand,
Wishing you to stay,
In winter wonderland. 

But my eyes they wake,
And I’m slowly learning,
That my dreaming state,
Leaves my heart yearning.

You said everything that I had curled up inside me, bursting to exit my core upon every exhale. You summed it up so beautifully, so poetically that I think it belongs here, in and amongst my ramblings-after all this all belongs to you, it is all my hearts whisperings because though you said everything that I had kept locked up, thinking I would get the chance to validate your thoughts, thinking I would be able to allow my inner-most feelings to roll off my tongue as I do everything else…I didn’t and will never get the chance to tell you that in this physical form. So here I post your poetry, you were brave enough to tell me, and though you think it didnt scathe the surface of what you felt, you said more to me than I will ever need. You are my light, my love, and a part of you lives within me eternally. And if we shall never cross paths again, know that I am grateful to have met and shared that time, a moment in paradise, with you.

“I missed your easygoingness after you’d gone. I missed your smile. Your beautiful brown eyes. The fact that when we spoke about life we could understand each others thoughts. The fact that we could say nothing to each other but be speaking volumes. I missed you alot. Shimi and Kishi gave me a bit of a hard time about it as I’m sure they could see what had happened in my mind.”

My love, I missed it all. I missed walking out to see the first bit of light hit the ocean’s tide, letting my eyes wander to your hammock and getting a glimpse of the curls that fell gently from your head. The sound of your winded laugh, and your voice calling “Shandrakan, Where’s my flowers?”. I missed your cheeky grin, the way it spoke of so much more than it let on. I missed your languid stroll, and your huffing and puffing as you ran your fingers over the smoothed coconut bowl. I missed our afternoon rides, feeling your chest as we rode, wind blowing in our hair, your hand grazing my leg. I missed watching the sunset with you, perched upon the wall, gazing out into the abyss that was our paradise, our home. I missed our star gazing, counting the seconds between shooting stars, listening to the waves hugging the shore and wishing we could crawl inside each other; breathing, beating as one. I missed your lips, your rugged face, the touch of your body against mine. But above all else, I missed our silence, the quiet of our minds as they entwined, interlocked, danced upon ever vessel and vain and then bid each other goodnight. I missed you so much that my heart ached from the moment I opened my eyes to the moment my mind anxiously fell to rest. Your absence left a void that nothing and no-one could fill. The music seemed duller, the skies greyer, the sun had faded into the clouds and my heart was empty. And in that moment, sitting on those rocks, for the first time I felt completely alone. And I thought, that I could never miss you more than I did in that moment.

But here I am, and you are no longer just a few hours away, nor a few cities, countries or seas. You have placed yourself in a realm I cannot reach and in this moment I realise, that you are further than you ever have been and yet it feels like you are sitting right beside me, enveloping my every being, and for a faint second, I can hear your laugh drifting off into the wind. 

Goodnight my dear, Goodnight x

Graceful and Free,
Journey to mars,
Leafy green pastures,
Blessed by the stars. 

Dancing in fields,
Playful and Free, 
Languidly lazing,
Tides of the sea. 

A painted face,
Flowers in my hair,
Watching the sunset,
Pale skinned and bare.

Falling slowly to slumber,
On treetops I’ll nest,
Tranquility in motion,
These bones put to rest.

Graceful and free,
I’ll roam this earth,
Kissing the air,
A destined rebirth.  

And it was the most unforgivable, unfathomable, unflinching, unforgettable love. The most perfect imperfection, an unexpected connection, a soulful dissection, a rugged complexion, a wondrous inflexion. 

A whirlwind romance, like feeling the first raindrop to fall, you look up to the skies, questioning whether it had happened at all. Like poetry in motion, a single dreaming state, releasing all control, leaving everything to fate. Like a wave in the ocean, drawing in the tide, freer than the singing bird, with arms strewn open wide. Inspired and transfixed, like an endless summer’s night, venturing to brand new heights, the cosmos shining bright.

It was a constant feeling of adrenalin, like the seconds before you leap, Heart pounding, knees trembling, a lucid dreaming sleep. Like riding the wind, hands in the air, no fear of falling, because the other one is there. It is the overwhelming feeling, of the ultimate euphoria, living out a temptation, once a simple phantasmagoria. 

But then that aching feeling, the calm before the storm, to think you’ll be okay, when the day’s no longer warm. But it cuts you in places, you never new existed, a million little pieces, leaving you bruised and blistered. 

They say that it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. But therein lies the greatest myth, for in the greatest love you fall. Everything is fleeting, a transient dream, you watch the memories fade, as they float their way downstream.

And it was the most unforgivable, unfathomable, unflinching, unforgettable love. The most perfect imperfection, with sunset rides and midnight tides, but there will be no resurrection.

Turn down the lights,
And lay with me,
Let yourself fall,
Let us be free.

Just hold me close,
And ill close my eyes,
And we can dream,
Soar through the skies.

Just for one night,
Let us pretend.
That we are here,
And it’s not the end.

I will give up tomorrow,
And I’ll let you go,
But just for tonight,
Let the winds blow.

I can’t make you stay,
I can’t make you real,
I can’t hide,
This love that I feel.

I can’t stop missing you,
I cannot forget,
I can’t let you go,
Can’t live in regret.

So turn down the lights,
Just lay with me,
For one more night,
Let us be free. 

You visit less,
And less you come,
And still I wait,
To come undone.

And wish you near,
My heart to take,
This fateful dream,
Still yet to break.

And I see you soar,
And puff and fade,
And fill with light,
Grow and degrade.

I feel you less,
To a lesser degree,
Am I too quiet,
With my decree? 

My floundered heart,
Destined to dance,
Waiting for Godot,
Your neon glance.

For you always said,
We’re worlds apart,
But distance extinct,
When it comes to the heart.

So visit more,
And more I’ll feel,
The more I’ll feel,
The more I’ll heal.  

And today I floated,
Sailed to the skies,
Wished upon that star,
And closed my eyes.

And I found you there,
A beautiful surprise,
The fullest moon,
Right before sunrise.

And I kissed your lips,
And held you tight,
And fell asleep,
Till morning light.

And when I woke,
I found you there,
Those neon eyes,
A languid stare.

And made you breakfast,
From sugared lust,
With lemon drops,
And cut out crust.

And lay with you,
In blankets bleached,
My body trembling,
My heart impeached.

But I knew it was time,
To bid farewell,
My heart bled,
Eyes tearfully swell.

And I kissed your cheek,
And and began to weep,
And watched you drift,
Back into sleep.

Goodbye my lover,
Goodbye my friend,
This was nice,
It’s nice to pretend.

To feel you here,
For just tonight,
And dream of you,
Till morning light.

Miss you terribly already, miss you incessant laugh, miss your gutful sigh, miss my other half. Miss your silence, miss your lips, miss your eyes, they could sink ships. Miss those hands, your perfect limbs, your sinful smile, and silly whims. Miss your song, miss your caress, miss your core, miss your undress. Miss your kindness, miss your folly, miss your sadness, miss your jolly. Miss your voice, your timid gaze, miss your heart, your truthful praise. Miss your whit, miss your charm, miss your chest, miss your arm. Miss you more, than I can bear, I would give anything, to be there. Miss you terribly already, miss your childish flirts, miss everything about you, so much so that it hurts. 

And that day i saw you in everything. In the wind and the waves, in those falling waters and stonefield graves. I saw you in the strawberry sun as it let my mind come undone and i braved those roads, the lakes unknown, the seas of dreams, and clouds alone. And my heart soared, above those stars, and sung a song, in galaxy cars. As I looked out, at the mountain peaks, I placed my lips, to kiss your cheeks. But i knew you’d left, your departed soul, beyond the skies, had swallowed me whole. And you will forever nest, beneath my wounds and skin, beating in harmony, our hearts forever akin. I will see you in everything, in the beauty of the night, in the quiet of my core, in the gloried morning light. 

If I could, I would turn all your shadows into endless rays of sun, I would light up the night sky before the day’s begun. I would fill your world with candy floss and colourful confetti, hang tinsel on the bedroom walls and make you green spaghetti. I would dress in funny polka dots and wear silly stripy socks, I’d build you a great big fortress, using only building blocks. I’d sing you sweet tuned melodies until you fell asleep; I’d dive into the great blue ocean, find gold for you to keep. I’d tell you wondrous tales, of knights in shining armor, of peter pan and fairy land of India and karma. I’d  tickle you for hours, till you could take no more, and then I’d hug and squeeze the life out of your very core. I’d kiss you soft and gently, make love to you all night, dream with you in foreign lands, hold you till morning light. If I could turn your shadows into endless rays of sun, I would fill your world with all you need, until your sorrows none. 

I stumbled upon a book,
Fell from grace into my hands,
And spoke of new beginnings,
Of lust in foreign lands.

It told a story of paradise,
Of wondrous surprises,
Of ticking clocks and waiting docks,
Of sunsets and sunrises.

Like poetry in motion,
The pages I did turn,
With every written word’s devotion,
The next chapter I did yearn.

And yearning still,
I ventured deep,
Through waters wade,
And clouds that weep.

Through sunset rides,
And changing tides,
Midnight swims,
And galaxies wide.

Until I reached,
A chapter bleak,
The sun had set,
On mountain peaks.

And the world grew dark,
And did not wake,
The ground beneath,
Began to shake.

So I threw away,
That frightful book,
And wished not to take,
A second look.

For I felt the book,
Would swallow me whole,
It would leave me bereft,
And lacking a soul.

And then one day,
The book found me,
Drifting daintily,
On familiar sea.

And thrust itself,
Upon my world,
And stitch by stitch,
I came unfurled.

Again I began,
To burst at the seams,
And lose myself,
In the world of dreams.

In galaxies,
And foreign lands,
In paradise,
And sunkissed sands.

Until I realized,
This book had an end,
These fatal words,
Were not my friend.

For dreams are for those,
In silent sleep,
And when we wake,
Not ours to keep.

So throw away,
this book I must,
For in dreaming lands,
I cannot trust.

Until such time,
When reality speaks,
Of sunset rides,
On mountain peaks.

Until we are,
Together once more,
In paradise,
Where the sand meets the shore.